Overview

Once upon a time, back in the sepia-tinted olden days, Stefan was a student at the University of Hamburg, where one of his friends in the Holzwirtschaft program was named Matthias. Yesterday, Matthias, his wife Bettina, and their kids Jona and Lina visited us in Freiburg. We did the touristy thing and went on a double-loop downtown meander. In addition to the requisite farmer's market shopping trip, Muenster tower climb, Gummibaerchen purchases, and Schlossberg hike, we also enjoyed the annual bread market at the Rathausplatz, where Stefan bought a round loaf a good two feet in diameter, and Elias tried his very first, long-coveted "Spaghetti Eis"--vanilla ice cream extruded to look like noodles, with strawberries (tomato sauce) and grated white chocolate (parmesan cheese) on top.

I'm pleased to report that, having survived climbing the Muenster tower last month, I gamely climbed it again. I learned that it is much easier to climb steep, narrow stone stairs when you do it with other people, as instead of imagining plummeting through the protective wrought-iron fence onto the hard cobblestones several stories below, you are forced to focus on the Arsch ahead of you lest you bump into it.

Which reminds me that Elias's peer-taught cursing vocabulary has progressed from "Mist" ("manure") to the slightly more expressive "Mist Haufen" ("heaping pile of manure"). The Badische Zeitung had an article on Saturday that refered to the pastoral odor of the Bavarian town Wahl, where the early morning air smells specifically of "Kuhmist" ("cow Mist"). Apparently there's a vast array of different Mist bouquets waiting to be smelled in Germany.

The article on the village Wahl (where, barring accidents, they expect 100% turn-out of all seven or so registered voters) was in honor of the national elections (Wahl/Waehlen) being held today. Germans vote on Sundays, when few people work and almost every business is closed, so no one has an excuse not to vote--except Stefan, alas, for reasons having to do with changes of address, non-fucntioning websites, and a slow postal system.

<-- Blooming artichokes, Batman!

Angela Merkel in Freiburg

Thus far in my travels, I have discovered two things that Americans are so much better at than Germans that there is simply no contest.

The first thing is refrigeration of vegetables in grocery stores. In Germany, it is not uncommon for vegetables to sit outside under a parasol all day long. In the summer, this means veggies must be consumed the same day they are purchased lest they turn to smelly mush overnight in the refrigerator or cellar.

Item number two is crowd control. Wow. Americans do this so much better than Germans that the refrigeration of vegetables seems like small potatoes.

Germany's Chancellor, Angela Merkel, was due to speak in front of Freiburg's new Rathaus today at 1:30 p.m. I arrived at 1:20, not expecting to get very close and planning more to watch the crowds than to hear her speak. Would people cheer wildly, the way Americans did last year at Barack Obama events? How many people would show up? What kind of security would there be? The plaza was already teeming when I arrived.

Now, you might ask what's more important, efficiently managing crowds or feeling secure enough with your collective national masculinity that you can elect a woman as your leader. Yes, you might ask that, and now we have to give a point to Germany, cancelling out America's point for refrigerated vegetables. Still, Americans are better at crowd control. Here's what I learned:

1. It's easy for people to get into political rallies in Germany without going through security checks. This might have something to do with the fact that Germans don't tote semiautomatic weapons to events where their national leaders are speaking. (Doh! Another point to Germany. Better luck next time, America!)

2. The only way to get from the Altstadt to the train station is through the Rathaus plaza. Ignorant tourists such as myself might think it would be easier to avoid a crowd of thousands by circling around the plaza, perhaps aided by some well-placed detour signs; but the unending lines (wait, did I say "lines"? Germans don't do lines. Change that to "flow") of people determined to snake their way to and from the Bahnhof today provided ample evidence that other routes simply are not possible. This probably has something to do with local disruptions in Earth's magnetic field.

3. Germans are happy to try to walk through a crowd of thousands to get to the Bahnhof, without knowing why there might be thousands of people milling around. "Are people waiting for someone?", a passing gentleman asked politely. "Angela Merkel!" I replied, and he nodded approvingly before being swept onward.

4. When faced with large crowds, Germans are happy simply to push people out of the way. If you're lucky, they might warn you first with a friendly "Entschuldigung," or maybe an annoyed "Ich muss zum Bahnhof!" ("I have to get to the train station!"; note the implied "Curse you, you immobile idiot!" in the preposition "zum"), but a forceful shove will get you out of the way just as quickly.

5. It is unwise to shop in the toy store on the Rathaus plaza. As I stood crammed in place with a dozen other people, watching the tide flowing to and from the train station, the storekeeper came out every five minutes to tell us to keep the entrance clear for her customers, something that was physically impossible and became sort of a running joke amongst us squashed folk. Either the storekeeper needs to chill out, or she doesn't understand basic laws of physics--neither of which are good qualities to mix with children and toys.

6. Being squashed together and griped at with other people for 50 minutes builds community. When Angela Merkel finally arrived on stage around 2:10 p.m., we chatted pleasantly about how it was impossible to see anything.

7. Angela Merkel has a vision for Germany's "Zukunft" (future). Unfortunately, I can't understand even English when a speaker's voice is over-amplified in an unsuccessful effort to drown out the background noises of the masses, so I'll have to read about Merkel's vision in tomorrow's Badische Zeitung.